i just made my gag reflex go away.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
