He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
