I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
