just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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