Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
