At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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