Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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