She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
