i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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