I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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