wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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