Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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