please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
