Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
