last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
