my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just gift wrapped bread.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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