i just wanna soil my oats bro
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Floor bacon is actually really good
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
