I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
