so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
