two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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