dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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