Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
