I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize