You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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