I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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