I just made out with a guy for $7.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize