did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
