Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so let's talk penis.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
