i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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