Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
