New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
