I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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