yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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