he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
