it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
