I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
