Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
