was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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