I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
