and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Terrible idea I love it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
