Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
