You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
