batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
