GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
accomplished twins. life is a go
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
