Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
