I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
