he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize