Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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