It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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