no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
