um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
