I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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