I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
