never play flip cup with pint glasses
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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