just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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