He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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