I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My balls are so social today.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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