I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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