Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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