i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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