I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
