forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
