just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
