i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
