Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
