I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
