Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
