it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
