Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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