apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
