What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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