you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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