a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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