now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
