I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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