Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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