Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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