when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
